What’s the Point?

The alarm went off at five this morning, an hour earlier than usual. It didn’t matter that I’d gone to bed later than usual, I had to be up at five because I have to be at work three and a half hours earlier than I’m used to, so if I wanted to have time to write my blog before work I didn’t really have a choice. I have a very full day today, starting with work, then after work going to a Grizzlies game which means if I didn’t get up to do my writing before work, I wouldn’t have a chance to do it until I got home late tonight. If I chose to do the easy thing and wait until later or take the night off it would make me feel horrible and completely throw my day off. I love my routine of doing my blog first thing in the morning, before I do anything else so here I sit, on the couch struggling to stay awake and for what? When my alarm was blasting this morning ruining my perfect sleep that I didn’t get enough of I remember thinking “What’s the point?” It seems ridiculous that I deny myself of sleep, I never get enough sleep, to write a blog that seems like hardly anybody reads or appreciates. My analytics have shown that the number of daily readers I have has dropped drastically over the past week but what it doesn’t tell me is why. What’s the point?

Why get up early every single morning and make an effort to write something that most likely won’t even be read at all? As I lay in bed, contemplating my next move that is when it hit me. I had completely lost sight of what is important and was allowing the menial fact that fewer and fewer people were reading my blog to potentially impact my commitment to writing it. I love the fact that people, anybody at all takes the time out of their day to read the words that I’ve written, but this blog isn’t for them. I write this blog for me. I started doing this almost two months ago with the goal of writing every day, not to see how many page views I could garner but to practice the craft of writing and work at it daily to try and improve on it. I wanted to force myself to start from scratch each day and write an entire blog post about anything, which would in turn hopefully help me whenever I run into roadblocks writing my book. Over the course of writing the blog it has provided me a great source of comfort and relaxation each morning, and much like people who run each morning, I hate to miss one of my writing sessions and in fact my day feels off if I don’t do it first thing.

The people who read this are not the goal, but rather an added bonus for working towards my goal. I’d become so focused on getting more page views and acting like a business man that I lost sight of the point and consequently became upset over the last week as the number of visitors decreased dramatically. I had been constantly thinking and searching for ideas, not about what to write but for ways to draw more people to my page. The point is that while I love the fact that anybody cares about what I have to write, but I need to get back to the approach and belief that I started with. It doesn’t matter if one person reads this or a thousand, I’m still writing for the same person, me. Rather than constantly checking the analytics, seeing how the post is performing I’m going to delete the app on my phone and only look at the stats on the computer once a day in the evenings, and no matter what, whatever the results may be, I will not allow them to impact my thinking. I’ve got a goal to work towards and I don’t have time to let negative thinking slow me down.

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