Breaking News: Donald Trump Doesn’t Want Your Vote

trump-idiotLast night at a klan rally, sorry political rally, in Reno, Nevada, Donald Trump was rushed off stage as a disturbance broke out in the crowd. The disturbance started because a man was holding up a sign that said “Republicans against Trump” and the people around him who love the constitution so much when it comes to their guns, forgot about everyone’s right to freedom of speech and started booing the man who was holding the sign and even tried to rip it away from him. This caused a bit of a struggle in the crowd and there was talk that this man could have weapons (which he didn’t) and so the secret service rushed the presidential candidate off stage in order to protect him against potential harm. This was shocking, but not nearly as shocking as what Donald Trump had to say when he got back on stage.

He walked to the microphone and looked at the crowd meekly before clearing his throat and addressing his supporters. “I don’t want to be your president.” A collective gasp escaped from the crowd as everyone stood staring at the man they’d been brainwashed to support and share ignorant and untrue Facebook posts making his opponent seem like the worst person in the world, and now he was saying it was all for nothing. They’d lost friends and the respect of countless people and family members for a man who no longer wanted to be the president. As the speech wore on he spouted off some of the reasons for the decision, including just minutes before having to be rushed off stage by the secret service. It apparently frightened him, not because of the potential danger around him, but because he was afraid as he crouched and scurried off stage that his hair would fly off and the truth about his toupee would be exposed.

Trump admitted that he had announced that he was going to be running for president as a joke and much to his satisfaction got a lot of laughs from some of his higher powered friends. He was intoxicated by the feeling of finally being the funny man in the room, especially after his lame attempt at making people laugh in his comedy central roast, so he kept pretending he was running for president and everyone kept laughing. Pretty soon though, the laughter stopped and he was in too deep to stop the “Trump Train.” Donald admitted that once it stopped amusing his friends, he was bored of the idea altogether and was ready to move on but because he’d scammed so many hard working people into giving him donations his advisors told him he couldn’t just drop out of the race, now that he was in the lead.

A tear trickled down the old man’s face as he blubbered something about wanting his old life back. He told the crowd in Nevada how he’d tried everything he could think of to lose popularity so he wouldn’t get elected. He tried saying horrible things about multiple different races to no avail, he said unspeakable things about women, and released a tape from years ago proving what a monster he was. He admitted that he made that tape as a last resort, to be released only if he was ever in a position where he needed to lose the public’s support. He was sure it would work this time but it seemed to just increase the ignorance of his supporters as they thought of every excuse possible to justify his unjustifiable words and behaviors. As he looked out across the crowd who were speechless, hanging on to every word as Donald Trump revealed the truth behind his campaign, he urged them to vote. “Tuesday you need to go out and vote” he said ripping his campaign sign in half, “but please don’t vote for me.”
Cheers broke out as the crowd realized that they were free of the worst candidate in the history of the presidential election. Although these people had been raised to always vote Republican, their candidate was specifically telling them not to vote for him so a relief swept over them at being given permission to vote for someone else. Although the people of Reno, Nevada know the truth now, a lot of Americans still haven’t heard about it because the conservative media is trying to rig the election. Be sure to share this so everyone can know the truth and vote accordingly on Tuesday.

P.S. I figured it would be fun to add my own blog to the heaping pile of untrue articles that idiots are circulating around social media.

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