Zoo Animals that Would Kill me in Five Minutes or Less

One of my favorite things to do in Memphis is going to the zoo. It’s something I do pretty often, every couple of weeks, and no matter how many times I go it never gets old. These animals fascinate me, especially when my walking up to look at them triggers a reaction, like when the tigers sometimes look me in the eyes and growl. I don’t know if this is normal or not but sometimes as I’m looking at different animals, I think in my head whether or not I could survive in their enclosures for five minutes with a million dollars on the line. Today I’m going to count down my top five for you and give you an insight into my ridiculous thinking. Here are the five animals at the Memphis zoo that would likely kill me before the five minutes were up and I received my giant paycheck.

5. Polar Bear img_3042

While polar bears look all cute and cuddly in the coca-cola commercials, sitting on banks of snow, playing wintry games, and drinking their sodas, I assure you that is a side to them I have my doubts about. Most nature shows I see involving polar bears are always spouting off the facts about how dangerous these creatures are and can kill with a single swipe of a paw. There are two polar bears at the Memphis zoo, both of which are enormous, one of which could easily kill me, but with two of them I don’t stand a chance.

4. Lion

Generally when you walk pas the lion exhibit at the zoo, all three of the large cats are resting, just lying in the sun. I have seen the male and female playfully wrestling before and while it was just a game for them, if I’d found myself in place of either of the lions I would’ve been killed almost immediately. It’s a pretty big exhibit but I think with how territorial they are, I wouldn’t be able to just hide out in the corner while I waited for time to expire. I’m sure as soon as I dropped into their enclosure, at least one of the three lions would approach me, and it would end terribly for me.

3. Grizzly Bear img_2356

There’s a reason the NBA team in Memphis is called the Grizzlies and not the Koalas. Nobody is scared of a koala bear, but a grizzly bear induces fear in even the most macho among us. If a grizzly sees you and decides you’re going to die, you’re going to die. Unless of course you have a gun with you, but even then the mighty beast still might take you down with it. Out of all the killer animals on this list, the grizzly bear is the one that I have a very slight chance of surviving just based on the size of the exhibit. There are three bears but they are usually all clustered together on one side, so if I were able to somehow, very sneakily lower myself into the enclosure on the opposite side without being noticed, then it’s possible I could hide for the five minutes. I still wouldn’t want to take that chance though, as the grizzlies will most likely see me and shred me up effortlessly with their giant paws.

2. Tiger img_2308
The three tigers that live at the Memphis zoo are my favorite animals in the entire place. Call me Mike Tyson, but I have a fascination with tigers and if I were somehow miraculously able to survive in their enclosure for five minutes, I would use the million dollar winnings to get a tiger of my own. They, like the lions are usually just lying around but when they are up and active, usually fighting with each other, they leave no doubt in my mind that the could have me for breakfast. Sometimes I get nervous looking at them because they seem strong enough to jump across the water that separates us and tear me apart. While I admire these beautiful animals, they are also one of the ones of which I’m most afraid.

  1. Gorilla img_3036

For the first month and a half of being a zoo member I didn’t make the trek through Primate Canyon, not because I didn’t want to see the monkeys but because I generally passed the somewhat hidden entrance without realizing. I’ve now seen the Gorillas twice and without a doubt they are the most terrifying animal in the zoo. I watched one of the beasts run full speed toward the unbreakable glass window and slam his full body against it, before quickly turning and sitting on the ground. The impact of the hit should have knocked any normal creature to the ground but the gorilla wasn’t even phased by it. There are at least five of them, all who love glaring at me and fantasize about ripping my head off, so forgive me if I’m not to eager to jump in the enclosure with these freaks. To be honest I don’t even think I would last one minute, but on the bright side at least I would be put out of my misery sooner.

I hope you enjoyed my list and would love to hear from you on whether you agree or disagree or if you have a top five list of your own. Happy Thursday, and as always, thanks for reading!

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