Why I’ll Never Order Pizza Hut Again

From the time I was a little kid I’ve always had big dreams about my future and assumptions about what my life would be like in adulthood, like what kind of job I would have, where I would live, and most importantly what kind of pizza I would eat. The moment I tried stuffed crust pizza as a ten year old, watching Monday Night Football from the bar in our kitchen, the competition was over and I knew that as an adult whatever I may be doing or wherever I may be living, the one certainty was that I would be a proud member of a Pizza Hut family. Although my tastes and preferences have changed over the years, from stuffed crust, to pan pizza, and finally settling on thin crust, my loyalty to the pizza chain has not. Everywhere I’ve lived, when it came time to order pizza, I would defend Pizza Hut to my wife who shamefully supports Dominos. We’ve had a good run, Pizza Hut and I, but it is with great sadness that I must make the announcement that I won’t be ordering from there ever again.

Last night had all the makings of a good night; Alabama won the SEC championship and the Grizzlies were playing the Lakers (my favorite team against my wife’s) on TV. I figured pizza and wings would be a great way to tie the night together, so on my way home from watching the Bama game at my grandparents house, I stopped at Pizza hut to grab some dinner. The location I chose to go to was one I hadn’t been to before because it’s not all that close to my house, but the convenient location has consistently messed something up every single time (not an exaggeration) we’ve ordered from there. Last time, they completely left a topping off the pizza, because they ran out of it, which is completely reasonable. What is ridiculous is that upon noticing that they were out of spinach, they decided to bake the pizza anyway and just hope that we didn’t notice. I did, and when I brought it up to the cashier he never once apologized for trying to screw me over, and after a short time of me explaining why this situation was so wrong, he finally agreed to take a dollar off the price of the pizza because they charged me for the topping that wasn’t there. That would have been great except the spinach cost $1.50 so I still ended up paying for nothing, but I was tired of dealing with the idiot so I let the fifty cent discrepancy go, and went home.

On countless occasions this Pizza Hut has burned the thin crust to the point that it’s impossible to pick up a slice without the crust crumbling in your fingers, and they have put the wrong toppings on several times. I wanted so badly to live out my childhood dream as being a part of a Pizza Hut family that I continued to go back, despite the messed up orders and despite the terrible service. I even tried to switch which location I went to, like I did last night, desperately hoping that something would change and I could justify going back there, but I’m just reminded each time what a horribly run company it is, at least locally in Memphis. Last night, I asked for a bleu cheese dipping sauce with my hot wings. The cashier informed me that it would cost me an additional sixty cents if I wanted a dipping sauce with the wings, and it was then and there that I made the executive decision that I would never order from them again. Sixty cents isn’t a lot of money, it’s not about the money, but rather it’s about the principle behind expecting someone to pay for something that is complimentary everywhere else. When you order wings from anywhere, at least everywhere I’ve ever got wings, they give you a dipping sauce. Other restaurants realize that one sauce per overpriced order of wings won’t bankrupt the business so they do the right thing, but one of the largest pizza chains in the world made the decision to be greedy and piss off the customer in a fashion that would have Spongebob’s boss, Mr. Krabs, beaming from ear to ear and cackling maniacally.

If the product were great and the service was horrible it would be hard for me to stay away, but Pizza Hut’s mediocre food combined with their horrible service are the reasons I can’t justify spending my money there anymore. I think this is a good thing that will allow me to explore other options that will undoubtedly be more satisfying. I was like an old man, stuck in my ways and not wanting to change, but now there is new hope for me. It’s exciting to think about the possibility of ordering pizza and knowing that there might not be a problem. I’ve always heard “when god closes one door, he opens another,” and I’m so glad he finally decided to slam the door on Pizza Hut, and I look forward to seeing what he (or she) has in store for my next pizza night.

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