The Noisy Neighbors and Their Barking Dog

elaine-yelling

My downstairs neighbors’ dog won’t stop barking and it’s really starting to piss me off. I have no idea how my wife is still sleeping through this, but god help us if the apartment catches on fire while we sleep because I’m sure she’ll sleep through the smoke alarm. This dog, which I have never seen, has been barking/whining for several weeks now, and maybe it just hates the holidays but I’m a little worried about his/her (It’s probably a her since it won’t stop yapping. I apologize for the sexist joke, but it seemed like too good of an opportunity to pass up.) living situation because the downstairs neighbors seem far from stable. Not a week goes by that they aren’t screaming at each other, for hours on end, the sounds of an unhappy life traveling up from their apartment through our floor and settling in our living room, the thickness of it all like a September afternoon in south Florida. I’ve considered getting involved, calling the police or trying to talk to the neighbors myself, but neither seems like a good idea. For one, it doesn’t seem like my business that these two people living together seem to hate each other, which is probably how they’ll assess my involvement, and if I call the police, they will most likely know the call came from upstairs, which could really turn out not great for me, given that one of the neighbors seems to have proclivity for violent behavior, the sounds of things breaking and hitting the walls a common occurrence throughout their arguments.

So, I ignore the domestic disputes on the grounds that it’s not my business to get involved, but I feel that something has to be done about the dog. I woke up to the head pounding sounds of yelping and barking and the first thought that popped into my head was Elaine from Seinfeld leaning out her bedroom window and screaming “SHUT UP”, in desperation at the dog across the street who was keeping her up all hours of the night. I think here it’s worth noting that every situation in life can relate to a Seinfeld episode, and if the show about nothing has taught us anything, it’s how NOT to handle situations. Elaine opted to hire Newman and Kramer to kidnap her dog problem and drop it miles away in the country, so I am quite confident that following that path would be the wrong solution to my problem, but I am at a loss as to what I should do. This isn’t some rare occurrence of a dog barking for a few minutes a couple days each week, but rather it’s something that happens daily for hours at a time.

I’m not too familiar with dog laws, especially when it comes to them barking, but again, I’m not to keen on getting the police involved and having the maniacal neighbors know that I’m the nosy neighbor behind the whole ordeal. Also, I can’t call 911 because it’s not really an emergency right? And do police officers even deal with animal crimes? Is there a holding cell at the jail for animals who have committed noise violations? I don’t know what the best solution is, but I need to figure out something fast. I’ve considered taping a passive aggressive note to their door, from management, but I don’t like to lie, and my luck would probably have them opening the door just as I was attaching the letter to it, and I’m sure you can understand why that is definitely not something that I want to happen. If anyone has any suggestions, reasonable or otherwise, I would love to hear them, because as of right now, I’m desperate to make the barking stop.

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