The Reason I Didn’t Write This Morning

I’m a failure, something that’s much easier to admit now that it’s so glaringly obvious. I didn’t write my blog this morning and for that I apologize, to myself not you, because I was the one forced to go through the day knowing I’d started off my day being incredibly lazy, and not only that, had deprived myself the happiness I get from writing. What was I to do without looking at my link clicks, searching for some validation that what I write isn’t completely meaningless, living off the approval of likes on twitter or Facebook? Somehow I managed. You know how you’re not supposed to go grocery shopping when you’re hungry because you’ll make impulsive decisions? Well the same should be said about deciding when to wake up when you don’t get enough sleep. I did get up at 5:30, my normal wakeup time, but then I did something I rarely do, and set my alarm for an hour and a half later, and went back to sleep, laziness ultimately getting the win and although that is why I didn’t get my blog written this morning, I think the real reason goes beyond that.

It’s been a pretty long week for me. I started a new job, one that I’m very excited about but it has drained me over the past four days. For eight plus hours a day I’ve been sitting at a computer, watching videos and reading training materials to prepare me for the job at hand. Who knew that banks had such strict and intricate policies? Everyone of course knows that, but I went into the week blissfully unaware of just how much I would have to learn. It’s like I went back to school, but there were no friends to joke with or the nice separations between classes, and it was brutal. I took tests and learned new computer programs and my head hurts, but if you can believe it that hasn’t been the worst part of the week.

Yesterday, I took a break from my training and walked to the bathroom. My computer is at a desk in the back corner of the bank so I walked through the lobby, past the chairs of waiting people, both in line for the teller, and seated to be helped with something more complex than a deposit or withdrawal. I did my business and walked back to my desk, and as I sat back down, that’s when I heard it. A woman seated in the lobby said to nobody in particular “there he goes again”, meaning me. Then she really got going, complaining about how she was paying fees to bank there, and if someone wouldn’t help her she would close her account. Please do. I heard her demand to be helped as she cut the line at the teller window and when they told her my coworker would be with her in a moment when he was finished helping his current customer she just lost it.

“What about that guy in the back?” she vilely spit out of her mouth. “Ma’am he’s in training.” “What, you don’t train him to say hello?” This is the typical snowball effect of angry people when they can’t be mad about one thing so they switch to being mad about something else. For at least five minutes I sat at my desk in the back, listening to this woman yelling about how rude I was and should have been trained to say hello. It took all the self control I had not to walk back out to the lobby, say hello, and walk away again. She left vowing to close her account, and I hope more than anything, I’m the one sitting across from her when she shows back up. So that’s why I didn’t write my blog this morning. I was tired, tired from staring at a computer screen all day, and tired from being yelled about because I walked through the lobby on the way to the bathroom. What was I supposed to say? “Hello. I can’t help you or anything. Ok, bye.” I’m sure that would have gone over swimmingly. Here’s my blog for today, and also my promise that I will do a better job of getting up early enough to write before work. Happy weekend everybody.

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