A couple of nights ago the Boston Celtics, the number one seed in the Eastern Conference Playoffs, upset the Cleveland Cavaliers, winning game 3, their first victory of the series. I know, I know, how is it an upset when the highest ranked team wins the game? It just is when the opposing team has the best basketball player in the world, Lebron James, along with Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving, who themselves are really, really good. If you’re one of the few people out there who think that since Boston won the last game is only one game behind now, they have a legitimate chance to win the series, you are either a complete idiot or you’re from Boston, not that those qualities are mutually exclusive. I don’t think the Celtics will win another game, and the odds makers, at least for tonight’s game agree with me, making Boston fifteen and a half point underdogs. I’m not writing this for all of the sane sports fans out there, but rather for the delusional ones, in hopes of squashing your hopes and bringing you back down to reality. It is my pleasure to present, things more likely to happen than Boston winning the Eastern Conference Finals.
1. Adam Sandler starring in a movie that isn’t too painful to watch. He’s done it before, earlier in his career, and for a long time was considered to many people, a king of comedy, but as of late his movies have just been so immature and terrible, that I haven’t been able to watch one all the way through. The last movie of his I paid to go see was “Just go with it” and I left halfway through, regretting my decision to go to the movies in the first place. If I wanted to feel extremely uncomfortable I would have shelled out the money I spent on tickets for an ill fitting pair of pants. I guarantee in that scenario I would’ve gotten more laughs than Sandler got starring in that terrible piece of garbage disguised as a film.
2. Donald Trump gets off Twitter. Although it’s something we all want, and would save our current president from embarrassing himself so publicly each time he hits the send button, it’s very unlikely to happen, but still infinitely more realistic than Boston winning this series.
3. Nostradamus correctly predicting the date the world will end. This guy has been wrong time and time again, and since he’s dead, there’s a very slim chance that he will blow all of our minds by rising from the grave and telling us the exact date when we will all cease to exist, but I would put way more money on that happening than the Celtics going to the Finals.
4. Harry Potter turns out to be autobiographical. I would love nothing more than for the magical world created by JK Rowling to be an actual place, and the Harry Potter series to be a documented history of the greatest wizard who ever lived, but any sane person knows how crazy that is, but it is still more likely than Boston beating the Cavaliers in this series.
5. Me actually watching the game tonight between the Celtics and Cavs. I honestly don’t know why anyone would watch this game. We all know how it’s going to turn out and it will just end up being a colossal waste of your night, but I tell you this, I’m much more likely to be willing throw several hours of my life away and watch this game than Boston is to be crowned Eastern Conference Champions.