There are plenty of things I don’t like about myself, some of which I have the ability to change and others I do not, but I fear one day, that one of these things is going to get me into trouble, and I’m just lucky that it didn’t happen today. For as long as I can remember I’ve always had trouble controlling my face and facial expressions, making it apparent to everyone within eyesight of me how I feel about any given situation. It’s easy to tell when I’m happy, my eyes appear nearly closed, a big smile across my face, and I laugh a lot, but on the other hand, it’s pretty clear when I’m annoyed with a situation, my eyes constantly rolling, and a look of complete disdain on my face. I remember growing up my mom would always get mad at me for rolling my eyes, and it was completely unbeknownst to me that it was happening, like it was just something I was born with, the gift of getting annoyed easily, and letting it show.
This is why I’m a multi-millionaire on the World Series of Poker app, but would probably lose all my money instantly if I were playing in person at a casino, because my face would be a dead giveaway every time. This isn’t something I like, in fact I really wish I could just have the same boring expression plastered across my face all the time, but that’s just not the way I’m wired, and I fear that someday it’s going to upset somebody who doesn’t use words or rationality to deal with an unpleasant situation, but rather their fists or whatever other weapon they may have handy. This afternoon I went to Walmart to pick up a couple of things that I wanted and before leaving the house I texted my wife who was at work asking her if she needed me to pick up anything while I was there, you know being the good husband. I don’t live too far from the store, only about five minutes, but like fifteen minutes had past since I sent her the text with no reply, so I assumed it was a safe bet that she didn’t need anything, and of course, I was wrong.
As I stood in line waiting to check out, a text message came through asking me to get a couple more things while I was there, and as luck would have it, they were in the back of the store. When I got to the aisle it was completely blocked by two people riding side by side on motorized scooters, and I know what you’re probably thinking, “awww what an adorable old couple out shopping together”, but that’s not what was happening. They both appeared to be teenagers, a guy and a girl that seemed to have no physical ailments as the girl constantly stopped and hopped with ease out of the chair to reach an item out of reach, and the guy, thinking it was funny, continuously rammed into the girl’s cart, which had both of them dying laughing. When there was finally enough room for me to get by, I had a look of great annoyance on my face, both at having to come all the way to the back of the store from the checkout line, but moreover because these idiots were blocking the aisle with no concern or awareness for other people. I through some angry looks at them in my peripherals, always one to avoid any actual confrontation, and proceeded to grab the two items for my wife, before walking back down the aisle, trying to balance everything in my arms since I’d neglected to get a shopping cart. The two kids on the scooters (the scootees) were leaving the aisle and the girl, who knew I was right behind them started talking about me to her friend, cursing me out and wondering what I was so mad about. I wanted to say something, I really did, you know, to tell them exactly why it was atrocious that two able bodied teenagers were using the scooters like go-karts, possibly keeping someone who actually needed one from being able to use it, all while being completely inconsiderate to everyone else by blocking the aisle, but I wanted to remain unharmed even more, so I didn’t say anything, but rather walked back to the front of the store and paid for my groceries before leaving. Maybe I can get my hands on whatever they give you at the dentist so from now on I can just walk around like an idiot with a dopey look on my face, a look that wouldn’t give away how I was actually feeling.