Does anybody know where George is? Maybe he’s relaxing on the beach, or going skydiving with friends. No, he is sitting in my cash drawer locked away inside the bank where I work, a prisoner that will never be freed if I have anything to do with it. Now before you think I’ve lost my mind, holding people captive and alert the local authorities, let me explain, the George I’m referring to was the first president of the USA and I’m referring to his picture on the one dollar bill. I’m sure we’ve all seen the dollar bills with the stamp on them that bears the words “where’s George?”, and I’m also fairly certain that we’ve all ignored the stamp because nobody really cares. When I saw the dollar today I instantly felt bad for whomever the original owner of the bill is, who thought they were adding excitement to their lives by tracking said dollar from convenience store, to the bank, then a fast food restaurant, and back to the bank again. In my life I waste a lot of time, perhaps so much so that it’s my what I’m best at, but I have never been so bored that I cared what happens to a dollar after I spend it.
Can you imagine the kind of person who checks the website daily, the most exciting moment of their day, just to find out where a dollar is? Even worse is the person who spends money on the stamp. Maybe it’s some kid who wants a “where’s George?” stamp more than anything for christmas. They write letters to santa and beg their parents, choosing this lame gift over the coolest new game or a basketball, and wake up way too early on christmas morning to see if their precious stamp has arrived. Personally I would rather get a lump of coal, because at least then I could set it on fire to give my sad life a little warmth. My job at the bank requires me giving me people dollars on a daily basis, but the one with the stamp on it sits at the bottom of the pile of bills and that’s where it will remain for as long as I can keep it.
I’m sure some of these crazy people have dreams of the dollar traveling all across the country, making stops in cities that they will never visit, but the reality is that it likely will live a less exciting life than the person tracking it, never leaving the city until it’s so worn down that it’s shipped away and destroyed. The more “where’s George?” dollars I can keep out of circulation, the more people I can save from a monotonous existence of caring about the whereabouts of a dollar bill. It would be a disservice to sit idly by while someone wastes their life away on such utterly meaningless things, so maybe they will just give up after a while when their dollar doesn’t move and find more fulfilling ways to spend their time. I’m just trying to help.