It’s all the same.

Everything is the same, at work, the same routine, the same people, the same customers coming up to my window having the same conversations with me day in and day out. Towards the end of the week I begin asking the same stupid question, “Do you have any plans for the weekend?”, and usually the plans are always the same, then they ask me the same thing, and like them I my weekends are generally the same, and at the beginning of the week I ask these exact same people if they had a good weekend, and almost every time they say yes, without going into detail about what made it good, but I rarely ask or prod for information because really it’s just all the same any way. I go to lunch at the same time everyday, and guess what, I eat the same thing for lunch that I had yesterday and the day before that. It’s what I’ll be eating tomorrow. I usually go to the bathroom at the same times, my body having apparently formed a routine through which it needs to relieve itself at approximately 10:47 in the morning, and again at 2:08 in the afternoon. The customers make the same transactions day after day, the same man making a deposit, the same woman writing a check to herself, wasting check after check when she could just fill out a withdrawal slip, but this is the same way she’s always done things, and there isn’t going to be any changes now. I make the same jokes to person after person, and I always receive the same laughs, not hearty laughs that begin in your stomach and rattles its way up and out of your open mouth, but rather laughs that are a little bit forced, because when someone makes a joke, you laugh, every time the same.

The summer days all seem the same, the heat hitting me as I walk out the door, the miserable walk to the car, the miserable seconds after I get in the car before the air conditioner kicks in and cools me off to a tolerable temperature. The same songs play on the radio as I drive the same routes day in and day out, sometimes briefly rolling down my windows to feel the wind in my air as I drive along, desperately wanting to catch a carefree feeling that used to be a mainstay of summer but has long since abandoned me, but after a few seconds it’s once again unbearably hot so I roll the windows back up and turn on the a/c, accepting the dismal fact that I’ll probably never feel that way again. I guess that’s something that isn’t the same, something I desperately wish had never changed has, and there’s absolutely nothing to do about it. My sleep is all the same, dreaming most nights of things unpleasant, but waking up and not remembering much about them. My life is full of too much of the same, and I really want to change that.


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